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~Love Letters Recap~


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Happy Valentine’s Day!

And, enormous thanks to all who participated in our letter-writing event!

Your letters, poems, and song were dispatched to your sweethearts via Postie Pete,
who was all too pleased to deliver them for us.
He may just be a skull, but does he ever have a romantic heart!

Now, I am very glad to report that the objects of your admiration
have responded to your gestures of affection––
albeit with varying degrees of, hm, enthusiasm.

Their replies are below.
Let’s see what they had to say!




[All the way from Fremennik lands, Postie Pete delivered a parchment written in a rough hand, but a gentle voice:]
“Ah, charming Astrós!
I will let you in on a little secret:
I knew your lyre was bewitched from the moment your delicate fingers touched those strings.
But of course I said nothing, for the sake of another secret:
you wove your spell on me from the moment we met.
Though great distances oft divide us,
my heart will likewise wait for yours in the great hall at the end of all things.
Ég dái þig.”


@Don Massimo



“Urrrrrr….? Brainsssss? Nib-ble…. love. Urrrrg!”

[Postie Pete reports that the zombie farmer, having become thoroughly confused by Don’s tender words and the merest mention of delicious brains, attempted to bite through his skull! Pete’s fine––it’s a hazard of the postal job, more common than you’d expect!––but he wasn’t able to record any further response, on account of the lingering toothy impressions in his head.]




[Postie Pete delivers a missive from the court of the god Armadyl.]

“World Guardian.
I have never feared death. Or, if I have, it has been so many millennia since I ascended that I have all but forgotten its sting. Not on my rite of passage, staring down into the dusty abyss beneath my home island, nor during the great wars. Even when, atop my tower, I faced Bandos across the wilds, before my victory was assured––never once did I consider that I might perish.
Until… When Jas stripped me of my divinity in Sliske’s accursed labyrinth, when She made me mortal again, however briefly… I confess I thought about dying, about giving up my life then and there, if only because I once again could have been united to Obi’Sooth, in death as we were in life.
And then, I thought to seize the moment to strike down Zamorak, whom I have never forgiven. But, no. What would it have served, to give him the satisfaction of the ending I so desired? So I held my spear in check. And in defiance of my greatest grief, I chose to live.
What you have done… has made that grief easier to bear.
I do not know how to repay you, human. If you will accept it, all I can offer is my friendship.”






[A letter from the thief Ozan, in an easy if untidy scrawl:]

“Well, well, well! I knew my charms would work on you, eventually!

We’ve done a lot together, haven’t we? It took me ages to get the kalphite stink out of my armor after our little romp through the desert… That little sundial cave was the first time you fell for me, admit it! Ha ha ha.

Only, here’s the thing, pretty lady: I’m a solo act. It’s “Ozan, the master thief”, not “Ozan, the master thief and his jaw-droppingly beautiful lady friend.” I know, I know, we’ve had our dalliances, and I’m oh so flattered you think so highly of me. But that’s all we are: jackals passing in the Kharidian night.

That, and, well, Layla would have my head if she caught me flirting with you.

But, er, remember me! And just maybe, next time the Kharid needs a heroic epic, they’ll get a love story!”





[A letter from Zanik. Stops and starts are apparent throughout; it's clear she wrote slowly and thoughtfully.]

“Oh. Oh, wow. We’re doing this, huh? We’re actually… talking about us. Okay.

Um. Guzma. Look. We get along really well, don’t we? Sometimes I think no one on Gielinor or Yu’biusk or any other plane really understands me like you do. You’re my best friend, and I’d do just about anything for you.

But…. that’s all we are, I think.

I wrote you a letter, years ago, after the business with Bandos. I was confused then, and maybe you were too, and I said some things I guess…. weren’t really clear, in hindsight. Sunrises and heroics and kissing––gods, what was I thinking?

So, let me try again. I still don’t know exactly how to say what I mean, but I know you. You’ll understand.

I can’t come second to you forever. I’m sorry. There’s work that I have to do, and as much as I look forward to the times our paths cross…. They really are different paths. Maybe in another life, under another sunrise, they crossed in another way. But not this time. You, me, it won’t happen. It can’t happen.

You get it…. right?”



@Kitty Smith



[Postie Pete handed––er, jawed?––off an official-looking letter for Kitty Smith, grimacing as he did. On thick fancy parchment, and with an ominous weight, it doesn’t look like it came from the Sandwich Lady…]
“To whom it may concern:
This letter is to inform you that, by order of the Seer’s Village Courthouse, Kitty Smith is to cease all communication with my client, the shopowner known to the public as the Sandwich Lady, and is hereby ordered to maintain at least twenty squares’ distance from my client’s stall in Ardougne Square, Kingdom of Kandarin, following her disastrous ‘love letter’ dated the 36th of Rintra.
You are reminded that my client was cleared of her assault charges, and to suggest that she is now “beat[ing you] with [her] baguette” is nothing short of libelous. You are certainly no longer entitled to her triangle sandwiches, literal or otherwise.
Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.


Counsel on Retainer to the Sandwich Lady
Legal Offices of the Wise Old Man, Draynor”






[Postie Pete was unable to locate Nomad, despite great effort in the search.

However, he did find a small parcel in the bottom of his post-bag just yesterday, addressed to MandyPandy and bearing the soul sorcerer’s mark. Being a savvy sort of skull and not wishing to subject her to any adverse magical effects or traps, Pete opened it to find a gleaming purple gem wrapped in a scrap of parchment.

The parchment simply read, in a flowing script: “Thank You”.

Pete refuses to speculate whether the stone and the note truly came from Nomad himself, leaving it to Mandy to decide for herself, but suggested:

“Love’s a powerful magic! The kinda man who messes with souls would know that better’n anyone. It’s no small thing to send someone like him your love, y’know?

It can come back to you in all kinds’a ways…”]





[Postie Pete reports that the citadel guard turned a shade of scarlet he had never seen before upon reading your poem. His response, shakily scrawled on a bit of spare parchment, is enclosed:]

“Sir! I would never steal supplies, sir! I swear I don’t usually polish my sword on duty, but it required attention, and I wasn’t aware anyone was around––that you were around, sir!
But… if you want, if you’re around during my shift again, that is, I mean… I could help you polish yours? Only if you wanted, I don’t want to presume, I’m sure your weapon is in fine condition, sir, nice and sharp––oh, forget I said anything.”



@Princess Rae



[A reply from Miazrqa arrives, on fine linen paper and written in a delicate hand. The genteel presentation does nothing to counterbalance the sheen of superiority in the letter itself.]

“Oh, thank you, darling! Kharidian silk, you know. Ali Morrisane––you know the Morrisanes, of course, simply the wealthiest merchants outside of Misthalin, if you don’t mind the sticky fingers––Ali sold me this hat personally, even cut the silk himself, so I’m told. Cost me quite the coin, but then it wouldn’t be quality if it wasn’t expensive!

You should get one for yourself, darling! But, er, I don’t know what he would do about your…. Well, your ears, darling, they do protrude just a bit. Did Nora do that to you, hmm?

Oh, never mind, it’s none of my business. But maybe you could commission one with fur. Yes, I do think that would be just right for you! I’m only teasing. Every royal family has its quirks, and I suppose that’s yours.”






[Poor Postie Pete became terribly confused attempting to deliver five separate love poems. Following a comedy of errors involving several dozen enraged airut and a burnt admiral pie, all five were ultimately delivered to Snotgut the goblin.]

Human got weird taste.
Snotgut finks you try too hard.
Send me lunch next time.





[Postie Pete reports that the farmers of Lumbridge are largely illiterate, so the choice to send them a song was, actually, the best possible way of getting the attention of the farmer Shinza stole from.

Pete says that, although he was somewhat perplexed by the apology, the farmer seemed to appreciate it––and even sent his own song in return! Maybe you’ll get some farming XP out of this?]




[Postie Pete sheepishly passes over a partial transcript of his conversation with the Icyene commander.]

“I do not understand, little skull. The World Guardian sent me a poem?... And it is human tradition to return the gesture on this day, yes?... Very well. Record this response, please: 

Roses are red, silvthril is cold
Write me another Hallow-forsaken poem, human,
And find out just how cold my blade is against your throat.

Yes, that is all I want to say…. No, I do not know what a rhyme is, and I do not intend to learn, little skull. Now begone, I have much to attend to––”


Edited by Holbytla
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Oh my goodness!! Those are some amazing responses!! Love, love, Love!!

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Epic love them all !! Very well done !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

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Haha these are amazing!

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These are amazing!! Someone deserves a raise. Well maybe not because now the papaya song is once again stuck in my head. 

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Love them. They are awesome. Ty :)

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On 2/15/2021 at 7:23 AM, Astrose said:

These are amazing!! Someone deserves a raise.

Hear that, @Princess Rae? Double nothing time! ;) 

Glad y'all enjoyed these! <3 

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5 hours ago, Holbytla said:

Hear that, @Princess Rae? Double nothing time! ;) 

I did hear! Hm, maybe you do deserve a raise. These are epic! :D 

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