Love Letter Recap

[Holbytla]

Enormous thanks to all who participated in our letter-writing event!

Your letters, poems, and song were dispatched to your sweethearts via Postie Pete,
who was all too pleased to deliver them for us.
He may just be a skull, but does he ever have a romantic heart!

Now, I am very glad to report that the objects of your admiration
have responded to your gestures of affection––
albeit with varying degrees of, hm, enthusiasm.

Their replies are below.
Let’s see what they had to say!

@Adiner:

Spoiler

[Postie Pete hands--um, jaws?--you a folded note containing a friendly scrawl.]

"A fine performance, adventurer! A fine performance, indeed.

To think: I’ve walked these grounds for twenty years in service to His Grace, pointing what seems like millions of fresh faces in the right direction, and not one has ever returned to thank me until now. I thought I’d never see the day!

I wonder if you know: there’s an annual bardic gathering in these lands, and you’d be an ideal entertainer for such an occasion.

It’s all run by a local lordling, what was the name again… Ah, yes, Lord Lukas. And of course he’s named the festivities after himself.

I hope you enjoy the Grahammys, adventurer!"

 

@Boss Shanks:

Spoiler

[You immediately notice that every "i" in Meg's response--on what appears to be a page torn out of a diary--is dotted with a heart.]

"I can’t believe how amazing this is! I thought you were never going to notice.

I mean, sure, I was hopeless ten years ago, but did you really believe I still don't how to catch imps?? Maybe I’m not Mister Fancy. World. Guardian–

[Here, Pete points out the way Meg appears to have stabbed through the parchment in punctuating each word.]

–but it doesn’t take 99 Investigating to notice a gods-damned crush, you know. A girl like me doesn’t just ask ANY man how to “enchant” a “sword”!

Honestly, the saviour of the universe, and you’re still sort of an idiot. It’s a good thing I like you."

 

@Butter_Kup:

Spoiler

[If skulls could look sympathetic, you could swear Postie Pete looked downright pitiful as he delivered Prince Brand's reply. The paper itself is ethereal, and you feel like your hand is about to pass right through it.]

"My beloved Regent, my flower,

Know that my mother, long departed for the halls of our fathers, gave me an auspicious name, Brand: a mark, an indelible sign. Ever it has been my firm belief that I was named, not for the mark I myself would leave upon the world, but as a sign of the lasting effect some part of the wide world might have on me.

And in you, my buttercup, that belief came true. You have marked my heart. Even now, as I too drink in these halls at the end of the world, the scar of losing you has not faded, and I suspect it never will.

My love, we have already stolen more time than was ours. So this I ask, though I fain would walk with you once more on grassy hills beneath the sun: leave me here. Let me rest. Let the dead, as they say, bury their dead, and treat not with powers that would bid me return to you. Honor me in this, my beloved, and I swear to you, when your time comes to join me here, I will stand at your side.

You are ever the mark upon my heart, and I am in turn,

Your Brand"

 

@Firesteal918:

Spoiler

[The skull's eyes twinkle as you open your letter. "You couldn't have put a name on that poem you wrote?? Don't worry, I figured out who to give it to–and your secret's safe with me!"

"Though Sun may I be–
All sparks catch from one before;
I, Flame, circle you."

 

@Minikillers:

Spoiler

[Postie Pete drags out of his mailbag...a bundled kyatt hide? You idly wonder how it even fit in there in the first place, as you open it to reveal crude charcoal marks on the inside.]

"Scrawny human! I get your good word picture fing. It tasty on the grill. Me eat on jubbly. Send more of dem."

 

@Princess Rae:

Spoiler

[Miazqra's response comes as always on linen, written in a delicate hand. Predictably, she's as stuck up as ever.]

"Why, darling, you cut me to the quick! This hat has been in my family for generations. Certainly I do spend a great deal of time in the outdoors, but you know how it is. It takes plenty of sun to maintain my beautiful complexion!

Now, that said, adding a hat to your ensemble could do a world of good, my dear. With the right shape you might even be able to hide those hideous ears!"

 

@Roman9090:

Spoiler

[A thick, official-looking envelope arrives for you. You open it to find a stack of tightly-packed papers, and read the sheet on top:]

"To Whom It May Concern,

This missive serves as notice that Patron “Roman9090” is henceforth banned from the Bank of Gielinor, West Varrock branch, until further notice.

Our decision comes in response to your continued harassment of Employee #553, Mr. [Name withheld due to privacy concerns].

Mr. [Name withheld] asserts that you have “thrown bloody great amounts of filthy weeds” at his workstation on uncountable occasions. His account is corroborated by security scryers.

As a result of these incidents, Mr. [Name withheld] has required the services of the Varrock Apothecary to treat what medical records call “extraordinarily embarrassing and sensitive skin abrasions” from being repeatedly forced to handle hazardous materials without proper safety precautions. An invoice for these services is included; please remit payment at your earliest convenience. (As a courtesy, we would like to forewarn you that the sum of your account with our institution will not cover the cost of our employee’s care.)

Furthermore, Mr. [Name withheld] has submitted your “love letter” for corporate review, and we would like to remind you that under the terms of your ban from the West Varrock branch, Employee 553 will regrettably no longer be able to handle any future transactions of yours, financial or otherwise.

We thank you for your patronage, and invite you to visit any of our other locations across Gielinor.

Regards,

Claire Hick
District Supervisor
Bank of Gielinor, Misthalin"

 

Edited February 26, 2023 by Holbytla

[Adiner]

This is awesome lol! 😆

[Firesteal918]

These are so so good!!! Thank you Hannah!!!

[Boss Shanks]

Oh wow!  Hahaha.  Thanks for intercepting these letters!

[Butter_Kup]

That is really awesome!!!! Thank you Hannah!!!!💚

[Princess Rae]

lol thanks Hannah! 

On 2/26/2023 at 11:28 AM, Holbytla said:

[Miazqra's response comes as always on linen, written in a delicate hand. Predictably, she's as stuck up as ever.]

"Why, darling, you cut me to the quick! This hat has been in my family for generations. Certainly I do spend a great deal of time in the outdoors, but you know how it is. It takes plenty of sun to maintain my beautiful complexion!

Now, that said, adding a hat to your ensemble could do a world of good, my dear. With the right shape you might even be able to hide those hideous ears!"

 

[Roman9090]

I'm going to have to disappear for a while for uhhhhh reasons. Will somebody watch over my filthy herbs?